Hmmmm

You Are a Bow

You don't think of it as the holiday season - you think of it as the present season!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Seriously, I'm not all about the presents! This quiz is lying! LOL

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

One week later......

I'm afraid I have no drunken pole dancing pictures from last week's Christmas parties. My darling son gave me the gift that keeps on giving - the flu. I managed to make it through the dinner at Vaughn's party Friday night, but was home and in bed by 10:30pm, and didn't get out until Sunday evening - completely missing my party.

Do you know when your kids get sick, you wish you could take their pain? I actually didn't feel that way at all - I was more than willing to give the plague right back to the recipient. It's now infected Amy, so we've pretty much been a 'quarantine' house for quite awhile.

On a lighter note, Kare and I received a wonderful package from Nett yesterday! She sent me an ornament for the tree:

I totally laughed my ass off when I opened this. She also sent some other wonderful goodies:

Thanks so much, Nett! Kare and I really appreciated your thoughtfulness!







I have been checking the television for the past two weeks, trying to find out when "It's a Wonderful Life" was going to air - I watch it every Christmas Eve, but this year, I'm assuming that they've decided not to air it. I was in a panic....I'm talking major insanity panic. I actually told the kids yesterday that if I didn't see it by Sunday night, they would wake up Christmas morning to me burning all of the presents in the back yard. God Bless my husband - he went on a major hunt, and found it in the bottom of one of the clearance bins at WalMart. Bells rung and he earned his wings. So, we just finished watching it - Adam for the 1st time, and I cried like a baby.

I truly feel like I'm the richest person in town.

Tomorrow, I'm spending the day with my brother's family.....If I don't post before boxing day, have a Very Merry Christmas everyone! I hope Santa is good to all of you, and you enjoy the time spent with your family and friends.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Peace.

All is not calm....All is not bright....

Vaughn's Christmas party tonight....My Christmas party tomorrow night & Adam has been home with the plague all week. I sure hope he feels better soon - when he gets sick, it totally knocks him off his feet. He's just like Vaughn - when he gets sick, he has no appetite and therefore won't eat & loses weight. Somehow, nomatter how sick I am, my love for food always overcomes the illness.

I am just about finished my Christmas shopping - my goal is to be completely done by Sunday. I can't remember it ever taking me this long, but our house is being turned upside down between work, baking and a disease-ridden child. :o(

I have to go get a gallon of coffee before work - have a great day everyone - If we decide to go, I'll post pics of the parties. Peace.

Christmas Carols for the Phychologically Challenged.

So....Can anyone relate to these songs??? LOL

1) Schizophrenia---- Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?

2) Amnesia-- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

3) Narcissistic-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

4) Manic-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And...........

5) Multiple Personality Disorder----We Three Queens Disoriented Are

6) Paranoid---Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

7) Borderline Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry, and I'll not Tell You Why

8) Full Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10) Agoraphobia---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11) Senile Dementia---Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13) Social Anxiety Disorder---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14) Attention Deficit Disorder--We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

The Ice Storm

Okay, since kare has been bugging me forever to do this blog, I figure I should probably do it.

I started figure skating probably around the age of 5 or 6. My brother was in hockey all of his life, so we pretty much spent a lot of our evenings and weekends at the rink.

I loved to skate. I loved the ice shows. I loved dressing up and performing. I lived for it. And then, around the time I was 13, I had gone as far as I could go in the small town we had lived in, so I started teaching the new kids, which meant everything to me.

My Dad was the typical 'hockey dad'. Even though my parents worked constantly, he was always at my brother's games, and going away quite often on his tournaments. It really wasn't that way with my skating. I know, it doesn't have the excitement of hockey, but I was usually dropped off and either driven home by another skating mom or in a cab. I can only remember them ever going to my year-end ice shows. But I didn't care. My parents had me enrolled in every extra-curricular activity known to man, but skating was the only thing I truly loved.

Skip ahead....We were doing the show based on the story 'Oliver!' when I was 13. I was skating as a market girl selling flowers. I loved it. I can still see the dress, and it was my favorite show ever. After the show, I overheard my mother talking to another skating mom who was complimenting my performance, and my Mom was saying, "Darlene will never be a real figure skater. She doesn't have the grace for it." That was the last time I put on a pair of skates for almost 23 years.

My girlfriend, Dena called me about 3-4 years ago because the skating club in town was offering adult lessons and she was wondering if I'd be interested. After long thought, I figured, why not? I purchased my 1st pair of skates since I was a kid, flew out on that ice and fell flat on my ass. I got up, and I fell. I got up again, and I fell again. But I continued to get up until I didn't fall anymore, and I loved it still.

We had a few people in our classes over the past years that had no clue whatsoever. At one point 2 years ago, one lady fell so hard, when she hit the ice and cracked her skull, you could feel the vibration throughout the entire arena.

Skip ahead to registration this September. Dena calls me to see if I'm still interested. Hell yeah, I'm still interested - Friday nights are the highlight of my week. I live to get out on the ice. But wait - there's a stipulation this year. Because of 'cracked skull lady' we have to wear helmets. Silence.

For about 20 minutes, I thought 'I can't do this. Geez, I can skate my ass off. I'm not wearing a stupid helmet'. And, to find the humor in it, we all joked about skating with the 'special' people while I wear a helmet and a bib. Then it stopped. I couldn't believe that a stupid helmet would be the one thing that would stop me from doing this.

So, I 'Pimped my Helmet' with enough bling to sink a ship, and thought I seriously couldn't look any more idiotic than everyone else out there. It gets me out there, with the ice under the blades. Helmet or not, it will always be my favorite thing to do. If I do lose my balance every once in awhile, I blame it on the extra weight on my head.

Am I any good? I'm not great, but I'm not bad considering I'm kind of an old lady now - LOL. I forgot everything, but it's all coming back. I'm even practicing the "Dutch Waltz" after Christmas. I can't wait.

I'll take some pictures of Darlene and the Amazing Technicolor Helmet at the next class. LOL

Have a great evening, everyone. Peace.

A Christmas Meme

I've been tagged by Netter! Here you go....


Attach a photo of one of your current holiday displays :

This was made for me years ago by a person I am no longer friends with - She could pretty much be the craziest, insane person I have ever met, with severe emotional issues. Too much baggage for me....But she's wicked at crafts. LOL

1. Egg Nog, Mulled Cider, or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog Lattes

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? It's all about the wrapping paper.

3. Do you decorate the outside of your home with lights? Any other displays? Just lights - anything else would get stolen by the hoodlums.

4. Poinsettias, Holly or Mistletoe? All three

5. When do you put up your decorations? Right around the beginning of December.

6. Do you prefer to give or receive? BOTH! I'm a total giver all year long, though. I celebrate everything.

7. Cut tree, live tree, artificial tree, or Festivus pole? While I absolutely love real trees, I have an artificial one - I did have a real one last year for the 1st time since I got married & it fell on the dog.

8. Have you ever made a gingerbread house? Yes, every year - they're kinda ugly, but it's fun with the kids.

9.Do you display a nativity scene? Yes.

10.When did you learn the truth about Santa? I was 6 or 7 and I saw my dad bringing the presents into the house after midnight mass. When I called him on it, he told me that I had to believe in Santa or I would never get presents again. So, I guess I kinda still believe in Santa.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? I'm a total snow lover.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes - I actually take figure skating lessons every Friday night. Kare insists that I blog about it, so I will sometime.

13. Do you open your gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Christmas Morning

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? Spending time with family and friends, and having time off work to play stupid games, eat lots & watch movies that Santa brought.

15. What is your favorite holiday cookie? Do you bake them or buy them? I love shortbread cookies, but I'm thinking just about any cookie that doesn't have peanuts or raisins (two things I despise).

16. What tops your tree? An Angel.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song? Tons! "Oh Holy Night" by Josh Grobin - Any Frank Sinatra or Andy Williams Christmas song, "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee. I have my satellite radio set to channel 2 in my car - right after the American Thanksgiving it plays all Christmas music all the time. I'm in heaven.

19. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? If Yum, how do you eat them? I can take them or leave them - unless they were made with chocolate or coffee somehow.

20. Do you send Christmas cards? If yes, do you enclose a letter or picture? I usually send cards and occasionally I'll send a pic of the family, but not often.

21. What kind of lights do you decorate your Christmas tree with? White lights, or another solid color, multi colored, candles, or a novelty light such as bubble lights? We were all about the white lights up until a few years ago - now I have multi colored seizure lights on the tree.

22. Favorite Christmas memory as a child? Tough question - I just had this conversation with my husband a few weeks ago. I honestly have to say my favorite memories started after I had the kids.

23. Best present that you have received? The good thing about me is that you don't have to spend alot (ignore my Santa letter) If I saw that you put thought into the present, it wouldn't matter if you spent $1 or $1000.

24.Turkey, Ham, Seafood, or Soup for your holiday dinner? We usually do Turkey and ham and all the trimmings - but boxing day leftover dinner & turkey salad sandwiches are my favorites. I hate all seafood except tuna salad and Captain Highliner fish sticks.

25. Favorite Christmas Movie. "It's a Wonderful Life" - I watch it every Christmas Eve and cry right through it.

26.Describe your favorite Christmas ornament. Aside from all the cute ornaments my kids have made me, my favorite is one a childhood friend gave me about 10 years ago. I've known her since I was 2, and we now live thousands of miles away from each other. I've only seen her twice in the past 24 years - the last time was just over 6 years ago. We always talk about how nice it would be to get together at one another's houses to just have coffee in our jammies and gossip. This ornament will forever remind me of the time I wish we had together:



Everyone else....you know the drill....do the meme and make me proud. LOL

Have a good day everyone.....Peace.

Amy's Excellent Adventure Pt. 1

Here's Amy at the airport on Tuesday, all ready for her trip to Ontario. I don't know what it is about that girl...Things happen wherever she goes. I just hang on for dear life and hope that I happen to be with her when this stuff happens....

Take Tuesday, for example...She was on the plane in Calgary, waiting to leave, but the plane was being held for one passenger who hadn't shown up yet. Amy has the patience of a rock, so she was pretty much growing more and more annoyed each second. The flight attendant finally closed all the overhead compartments, and they were ready to take off, and, wouldn't you know it, the guy finally showed up. He then proceeded to reopen all of the compartments and start to move everything around and shove his stuff up there. I think Amy was beginning to implode at this point and was muttering stuff under her breath (I'm assuming it was in the proper 'lady-like' language that I've taught her). The man turned around and looked at her. It was Bret 'The Hitman' Hart. Silence.
Okay, people - Let me tell you about Bret Hart. I love him. No, I don't like wrestling. I only love him. I have the Bret Hart Barbie next to my bed, I have his autobiography, and every interview and wrestling match he's ever competed in on DVD. I was asked once that if I could fulfill one fantasy what would it be. I immediately imagined my husband walking in the room wearing pink spandex pants, a black leather jacket, sunglasses, and have long sweaty hair, yelling, "The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be!" Somehow, it didn't do the same thing for me. Dont ask me what it is about him, people, but this man makes me blush.

So, back to the story.....Silence....Amy gasped. He sat down. The end. SHE DIDN'T EVEN GET A PICTURE OR ASK FOR HIS AUTOGRAPH. A part of me died. I have filed the papers to legally disown her and she has been written out of my will.

Have a great evening everyone. Peace.

Sorry, people - this struck me as very funny. Anyway, I'm getting ready for work, so I just wanted to add some humor to your weekend. :o)

Have a great day, everyone. Peace.

I've been Tagged!

Okay - I've been tagged by Brandy - here goes


Things You May Not Know About Me

Four jobs I’ve had in my life:
1. Cashier at a greasy restaurant
2. Secretary / Manager for various Hair & Body Salons
3. Telephone Solicitor for a Photography place (that's where I met kare when I was 15!)
4. Worked at a Health Food Store

Four movies I would (and/or do) watch over and over:
1. The Count of Monte Cristo
2. The Life of David Gale
3. Muriel's Wedding
4. Anything with Tom Hanks

Four places I have lived:
1. Newfoundland
2. Fort McMurray, Alberta
3. Calgary, Alberta for a few months
4. Spruce Grove, Alberta

Four TV shows I love (or would love) to watch:
1. CSI (only the original)
2. Brothers & Sisters
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. What About Brian

Four Places I have been on Vacation:
1. Las Vegas
2. Toronto
3. Vancouver, BC
4. Southern Alberta about 4 times a year

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Cereal
2. Nachos & Salsa
3. Mandarin Oranges
4. Coffee (yes, this is a food)

Four of my favorite books:
1. Any of the Harry Potter Books
2.Tuesdays with Morrie
3.The Five People you Meet in Heaven
4.A Million Little Pieces/My Friend Leonard

Four friends who I want to do this:

Anyone who reads this, consider yourself officially tagged.

Who Will it Be????

Okay boys and girls - I'm putting on a contest. Whoever posts the correct answer first wins!

I have six tattoos. With five of them, I soul-searched, studied and put a lot of thought into them. With one of them, I woke up one morning about 2 years ago, kind of in a pissy mood, and called the tattoo parlor and got it on an impulse.

Here's the thing. Amy's friend came over last night & noticed it for the 1st time. She asked me what it meant, and as as I began to tell her, my brain went blank. For the life of me, I could not remember what these symbols on the back of my neck were supposed to mean. I knew it had to have some kind of significance, but I was stumped. That's when it got funny for us...

Anyway, I woke up at 4am with a 'eureka!' moment. I remembered! The contest is - Would you know what it meant?

The first person to post the meaning of my tattoo wins! Bonus points if you can tell me what language it is. I'll give whoever it is my email address and they can send me their mailing address & the prize will be yours!

Here it is:

Good luck, everyone. Remember - you have to guess the meaning. The language is just extra.






Have a great evening, everyone. Peace.

Happy Trails

Amy leaves tomorrow for her trip to visit Benjamin. Be safe, little girl.

Well, I can't say it was the greatest anniversary in the past 17 years, but I can say that it was quite memorable....

The day started out like every other anniversary - opening presents, reminiscing about our wedding day, and marveling about the weather...It was 3c on the day we got married - it was -37c yesterday.

Vaughn got up and took Porkchop to her hairdresser appointment, and I stood in the shower until we ran out of hot water - here she is:


I was in a mood. I was so hormonal and emotional, I couldn't even stand to be around myself. I was suffering from the worse case of the "woe is me" sickness and I couldn't get one person to pack their bags to go on this pity trip with me. Vaughn was so excited about taking me to the honeymoon suite - so, I got some stuff together and we ventured out, all the while I just wanted to be home. I never saw the logic in him taking me to a hotel when we've got a perfectly good bed 5 miles away. I mean, if he had surprised me with a trip out of town, that probably would have been one thing, but being in a hotel so close to home, this close to Christmas just wasn't sitting right with me. So, as we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, I just said, "I want to go home". So he pulled out of the parking lot. "Let me at least take you out for a nice dinner", he said. So, we did...All that mattered to me was we go to the lounge part so I could have a drink or three. You have no idea how bad my hormones were working - I was even starting to piss myself off.

So, we get seated at the lounge at my favorite restaurant, and I order a martini called "Hawaiian Headlock". I think I could have bypassed dinner all night & just drank these. wow - that's all I've got to say about those. So, we're eating our meal, and the man who was sitting in the booth behind Vaughn, but facing me, stretched out his arms and gave the loudest yawn...This in itself kinda made me giggle, but then he started to tip, and before you know it, he had gone rigid, dropped to the floor and went into a seizure. Every staff member in the lounge was running around like wet hens while this guy was throwing up like crazy, so I called 911....I happened to have my camera in my purse, and wanted to take pictures of him so badly, but Vaughn reminded me that it was probably in bad taste, so as we left, I did manage to take pictures of the ambulance.

This was way too exciting - seriously.

We came home & rented a movie to watch with Adam & it was great. I know I was probably a bit of a 'Debbie Downer', but all in all, it was pretty okay. On another note, my parents send me the wierdest bouquet:
When I opened it, I didn't even know what to say - they ordered them from a this wierd-ass interpretive floral shop, and I don't even know how to comment on them.

Our tree got put up - finally:


So, here it is, the day after our anniversary and I'm not feeling too bad - Tonight we have our 'Secret Santa' gift opening for work at a local pub, so, that should be fun....

Oh My God! I almost forgot! I found my new dishes! Kare, I guess this means that you'll soon have new dishes as well. :o)


I'm in love with them...Hopefully Santa reads this.

Have a great day, everyone. Peace.

Patriotism at its best

You are 100% Canuck!

You rock, you are an almighty Canadian through and through. You have proven your worthiness and have won the elite prize of living in a country as awesome as Canada. Yes I know other countries think they are better, but we let them have that cuz we know better than they do, eh?

How Canadian Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Date night....

So, Vaughn & I went on a date tonight - First out for Chinese food, then off to the furniture store to raise some supreme shit about our phantom accent chair legs that somehow mysteriously disappeared....I was ready....I was pissed off....And then I walked by the beds....

I think I've told you how absolutely "normal" my husband is. He's the grown up in our blessed family....Probably the only one with any sense, actually - but I think with him being at one extreme and me being on the other, we are a good balance.... At least that's what I keep telling myself.

So, the beds in the furniture store were calling me to jump on them, to lay on them and to roll around on them....So I did - on every single one.. I think I may have actually dozed for a few minutes...The fun part of this evening is that I finally got Vaughn to get on the beds with me. Usually he's a "press down with your hands and sit on" type of guy, but he actually laid on them all & even saw the humor when I suggested we take a few for test drives before we settle on one.

The evening was fun - and very unnecessary as tomorrow is our 17th wedding anniversary, and he rented the honeymoon suite that we stayed in on our wedding night. How sweet is that????

Adam and I are going to put up the tree now - and Vaughn hasn't grinched-out once. Believe it or not, he's actually helping. I think this man's a keeper....I'll post pictures tomorrow....

Have a great evening, everyone. Peace.

wish list

As per Kare's blog, I decided I would compose my letter to Santa - And just like Kare's, this list will more than likely be obsolete by next week, and my mind will have changed a jillion times...but, here goes....


Dear Santa:

Thank you for all the presents you brought me last year. I've been a really good girl this year, so, for all my extra efforts, could you please send me all or some (preferably all) of the things I wish for this year:

- "Chance" by Chanel (my favorite)

- "Coco Mademoiselle" by Chanel

- "Pure Poison" by Christian Dior

- "Very Irresistible" by Givenchy (I think you're noticing a pattern here....move along....)

- 3 or 4 tubs of Cranberry Body Butter from The Body Shop because it's only made at Christmastime, so I'll need enough to get me through until you bring me some next year.

- A new recipe box, because the bottom dropped out of mine. :o(

- Beverly Hills 90210 & Melrose Place season dvd's

- Enough booze to keep me floating through the Pacific Breeze during the holidays

- Abercrombie & Fitch gift certificate

- Pier 1 or Stokes store gift certificate (or both - it's time for new dishes)

- Almond Roca - Kare's gift doesn't count. It was well before Christmas.

- a trip so I can use the gift certificates (hey, you can probably save a bit of money if you send me on this trip with Kare when she goes to use hers!)

- Forget world peace - inner peace will suffice.

I will leave some KFC along with a few shots of Cuervo for you & some carrots for the reindeer.

Your #1 on the nice list friend:
MadameZ

Do I Qualify for a Handicap Sticker?

I have come to the conclusion that I should never make plans. It seems that every time I do, it's like there's a little, evil person on my shoulder making sure that I don't follow through with them. Let's take this past weekend for example....

My big plan was to decorate. I'm just not an everyday decorator - when it comes to Christmas decorating, it becomes an actual event at my house. My son jumps right on the bandwagon with me, while my husband sits "Grinch-like" in the corner (blog to follow), and my daughter heckles from the sidelines. Thank God one of my spawn turned out like me. Anyway, I'm getting off the topic here. Sunday morning, I decided to get the housework done while my husband proceeds to pull my truckload of rubbermaid totes into the living room so I can get the ball rolling. I'm in the bathtub, scrubbing the tiles with one hand and talking to Kare with the other hand. I hang up with her, and as I go to get up, I threw out my back. I've been a cripple ever since. My living room is covered in totes, because, God forbid anyone else get into the holiday spirit and do it....So, I'm laying on my back in the middle of the room, and here's how it goes:

My husband says, "Don't worry about the decorations - I'll put up the tree".
I say, "There's more than the tree - I've got a thousand totes to open!"
He says, "We only need the tree - we don't need any of that other stuff".
I say, "I could punch you in the throat right now".
He says, "Catch me".

I will be charged with murder when my back heals.

On a happier note, I went over to kare's on Saturday evening for coffee, and she gave me the greatest gifts!
Her talents will always amaze me. And Almond Roca! I nearly died. I try to limit myself to only Christmas day with these because I become a complete glutton with them, but seeing they were a gift, I took an exception. I ate 9 before bedtime, and I couldn't sleep all night, knowing that there were 3 left. I became nervous that someone else would eat them, so I woke up at 7am Sunday to finish them off.

Does anyone want to come over and help me decorate?

Have a great day everyone. Peace.

'Tis the Season

Christmas comes and goes every year. There are a few things that begin to get me into the spirit. Don't get me wrong - I love Christmas. I live for this holiday. Not necessarily for the presents (although this is a major bonus), but for the feeling it brings to my heart. I love giving, sharing, baking, and I love decorating - finding old ornaments that ignite all these memories for me.

However, in order for me to get this "warm-fuzzy" feeling, things have to happen first, and a few of them have happened......

1) My Mom's gumdrop cake - I don't particularity like gumdrop cake, but when I take a bite of it, it feels like Christmas. My parents retired and moved a million miles away last year, but she still sent me this cake in the mail. I ate it, and I cried.

2) Snow - Okay, seriously, we could have snow in July and I would take out every decoration and start the holiday festivities early. I am not a summer person at all - I live for the winter.

3) Christmas Carols - I love Christmas music - this is music that I could honestly listen to all year round, but I limit myself. I try so hard to wait until it's about a month before, and then, look out. It's playing at work, at home, and in my car. I think my previous co-workers had actually taken contracts out on my life because of this. Then it gets to the most important carol - Josh Grobin singing "O Holy Night". I try to save this one for last because this is the one that makes it all happen for me. When he hits that final 'Noel' in the song, every hair on my body stands on end, my eyes well up with tears, and I think I actually feel like I'm going to pee in my pants.
This morning, as I was driving Adam to school, I found a mixed Christmas CD that Vaughn had made me about 3-4 years ago. So, we're listening to the tunes, and I'm singing along (badly, I might add, but my enthusiasm totally makes up for my lack of vocal talent)....I'm driving home, and it comes on. I turned it off right away, wondering if I'm ready to start hauling out the 14 rubbermaid totes and turning our house into Santa's Village.
So, I pulled into the garage and played it as loud as I could. I sat there and cried like a baby, all the while, Porkchop is riding shotgun and looking at me like I had lost my mind. Even if you're not a Josh Grobin fan, his rendition of this classic will put anyone in the Christmas spirit.

By the end of the weekend, it will look like a Christmas tornado swept through here. I can't wait.

Have a great day, everyone. Peace.

****Newly added thought****

I nearly forgot about egg nog! After my sobfest in the car, I went to Starbucks & got a Non-Fat Egg Nog Latte. My 1st one of the season! Oh My God, I swear I could hear the reindeer after one sip.

Greatest Weekend EVER

Okay, so maybe it's not the greatest weekend ever, but good things happened.

I went to my brother's to pick up his dog, Sparkles, on Friday to surprise Porkchop with a weekend sleepover. I love his dog - and usually, so does Porkchop. Well, usually. This weekend, her knickers were in a complete knot. Not only did she ignore Sparkles all weekend, she pouted, whimpered, and wouldn't even do her business outside if Sparkles went out too. I would walk in the house and start to scratch her & when Sparkles would come running, Porkchop would get up, walk away, drop like a dead dog and give us a dirty look. And then, after my brother picked her up this morning, she had the nerve to sit by the door and cry. I could have drop kicked her if she weren't so cute.

My new living room furniture arrived on Friday night - everything was perfect, except they lost the legs to the accent chair. Amy came downstairs and thought the chair was beautiful because it had an "Asian" feel as it was so close to the floor. She was disappointed to find out that I wasn't keeping it that way.

I went to my girlfriend, Amanda's last night, and met her Aunt Patsy. My eyes zeroed in on her feet. Before you get sick, let me explain that she was wearing homemade wooly slippers. And guess what? After I gushed about them, she GAVE ME A PAIR!!!!!!!!! My days of prostituting myself for wooly socks or slippers are over. Seriously, people - who's leg did I have to hump to get me some? My life is good.

Funny things that came out of my family's mouths this past week:

There's a new girl at my husband's work...She was outside the office, and Vaughn overheard her talking about "show-jumping"...He walks out, and asks, "What are you talking about?" She says, "I'm a show jumper". My husband says, "So is my wife, but in our house, we call it pole-dancing."

***For those who are easily offended, do not read further***

My daughter is a waitress at a pizza place. You know how annoying it is when the waitress always comes over to see how everything is just as you put the food in your mouth? Well, she walked over to ask this man if everything was okay and noticed he had a huge mouthful of food. She looked at him and said, "I'm so sorry - I always have a habit of coming when your mouth is full." Silence....He burst out laughing. She walked away. (sorry - I found this too funny)

Have a great evening, everyone. Peace.

Ebony and Ivory

Remember when Michael Jackson used to be cool? Heck, do you even remember when Michael Jackson used to be black???

I was driving to work this morning, listening to the radio, and "The Way You Make me Feel" came on. I cranked up the tunes so loud and sang to the top of my lungs. This was 'feel good' music - this was 'sing your heart out and get up and dance' music.

I loved Michael Jackson. When the "Thriller" video came out, my friends and I would sit and watch it over and over. True, by this time he had already had some work done, but he was looking like a well groomed, leather clad black man with a nose job. And he was cute. He danced like nobody else and his music made everyone's toes start tapping.

I'm not sure when the deterioration started, but man, he is one weird creature. This was a man who had the world at his fingertips, and then proceeded to eat one too many apples off the crazy tree.

I can't imagine him looking in the mirror every day and thinking, "Damn, I'm lookin' pretty hot today!" It's disappointing because he was so great, such an amazing performer, and now he and his taped-on nose will be known as nothing more than a bleached skinned perverted has-been. So pathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still all about the music, but he's just a friggin' freak.

well......definitely not beautiful.

No-No-Notorious

In honor of desperate housewife, and to make a point out of someone who I think likes to mock me (*cough, cough* librarian *cough, cough*), I have decided to dedicate this blog to my all-time favorite band, DURAN DURAN.

I would like to start off by telling you how this love-affair began.... I was a pre-teen, living in Nowhereville. We only had about 3 or 4 channels, and that was with cable. In early 1982, in the middle of the night, I was watching TV, and for some reason, we were picking up this other channel from England. There they were, in the video "Planet Earth", with Simon LeBon dancing around with his knickers on. I froze, and I instantly fell in love.

Duran Duran wasn't popular in Nowhereville - in fact, I think my house was the only house that picked up the phantom television channel that night, because I was the only one who had heard of them.

Skip ahead to a few months later - I move across the country to a Blue Collar booming city...I met a girl who loved them as much as I did & we became great friends (I met kare around the same time - let's just say "opposites attracted" with our friendship)

I became the ultimate "Durannie" (lingo for Duran Duran stalker), I spent every dime I made in my summer jobs and part-time jobs buying posters, records, bootlegged albums, magazines with every article on them, and every biography (authorized or unauthorized) I could get my lace-gloved hands on.

We all had our favorite band member. Mine was Nick Rhodes. I loved him. Yeah, yeah, I know you're thinking to yourself, "Okay, we all loved band members at one point". But, I loved him with all my heart. I memorized everything about him, from his favorite color (magenta), to his favorite drink (Bolinger '75) - my girlfriend and fellow Durannie, even booted an old man outside a liquor store to buy me a bottle for my 16th birthday, and we drank every drop & sent pictures to the band, along with our monthly fan letter. Funny....I never got a reply.....

Much to my over-dramatic disappointment, Nick found another woman, named Julianne Friedman from DesMoines, Iowa, but for our sake and for this blog, we will lovingly refer to her as "the Tramp", okay? Anyways.....Nick & the Tramp married and my heart died.

They wore matching makeup and he had the most manly, pink tuxedo on. It was the summer - I took the day off work, drank Bolinger '75, watched Duran Duran videos all day and cried. In my high school yearbook, next to my graduation picture, my goal in life was to be their Personal Photographer. I haven't gotten around to getting that job yet, in case you were wondering.....

Let's skip ahead a bit - to when I was 19 - three members of the band had left, but the remaining were opening for David Bowie...I went, I enjoyed, but something wasn't right....I wasn't as gung-ho as I thought I would be.

Skip ahead, skip ahead....I now have an 18 year old daughter (This was winter of 2005), and I get a phone call from her at work. Duran Duran were back together, and were doing a reunion tour. Did I want to go? I instantly went online and reserved tickets.

She and I fly to the concert March, 2005. I was so proud that I was bringing her to this - not only was she a fan, but this was my childhood. I wanted her to see what I saw - see what I loved for 25 years. We check into the hotel and we start getting ready...All the while I'm thinking that this was crazy - I couldn't possibly be this excited...Just six months prior I had flown across the country with a girlfriend to see Madonna, and to her, that was her dream....To me, it was to see the original Duran Duran.

So, we're at the concert, and, in all the excitement, I purchased better tickets that were right next to the side of the stage - I figured if I were crazy enough to fly there for this, I was sure as heck going to have good seats.

The opening band comes out....And they suck. Not just a bit, but suck to the point that I'm thinking this was a bad idea. I mean, the lead singer was bouncing around the stage doing his coke-dance, and actually fell off. During the intermission, I started to contemplate leaving. "I am too damn old for this", I thought. It even got to a point that I was actually embarrassed to be there. Then the lights went out....And they walked onto the stage.

My whole body started to shake....I'm thinking it kinda started at my toes and gradually worked it's way up to my head until my whole body was flailing like I was convulsing. And I was screaming - Not your normal screaming, but more like this blood-curdling screech....I was crying uncontrollably to the point where I scared the lady that was sitting next to me and she moved to an unknown seat, and Amy was rubbing my arms and back trying to calm me down. This didn't go on for a few minutes.....This went on for the entire concert. I sang along to every song, I yelled "I LOVE YOU, NICK!!!!" about ten thousand times, and I was a teenager all over again.

After 3 encores, they left the stage, and I saw Simon - I yelled at him and he waved to me... Oh. My. God. I couldn't imagine sharing this night with anyone but my daughter. She saw me relive my childhood - and to think that my child loves them just about as much as I do makes me one proud Mom.

My life was complete...God Bless them. Long Live Duran Duran.

Peace.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Amy was given an early Christmas present from her Grandparents. They gave her an airplane ticket to Ontario - to visit Benjamin. Do you remember him? The 'bane of my existence'? The 'night in the drunk tank'? The ' I don't know - I just have a feeling about him'? Yeah, that's him.

It didn't go over so well with her Dad - he worries so much about her. But I guess it could be worse, right? RIGHT? He makes her smile, and they've missed each other so much.

She leaves on 5 December for a week. I'll keep a smile on my face for her, and tell her that I hope she has a fantastic time - all the while, I will be worried sick, telepathically sending messages to him that if anything happens to my first born, he had better pray that he dies too.

How's Your Gag Reflex?

So, I went grocery shopping last night. I don't particularly enjoy grocery shopping, but I sometimes like the time to myself - I like to browse & impulse buy. Unlike my husband, who has a set agenda and a list. He goes in, gets what he wants and leaves. Not me - I take my time, grab things that I don't ever need ("But honey, it was on sale!"), and then proceed to tuck them in behind other things on the shelves when I've come to my senses.

Last night, I first stopped to get my usual coffee (extra hot, non-fat caramel macciatto with 6 shots of sugar free syrup & extra caramel on the top, please), and I went on my merry way, with my shopping cart and with all the optimism of a person who clearly wanted an hour or two to herself.

And then I heard it....This low, mournful moaning - kinda like the sound you hear when two bucks are fighting to mate with the doe. I stopped sipping my coffee and looked around. I stopped. There he was - some dirty little sweaty man looking at a Maxim magazine in the aisles....moaning and grunting like he was in heat. He glanced up just long enough to see the repulsed look on my face, and went back to his business. I think I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit.

He ruined my "mommy time". The shopping excursion was over.

Ponder This....

Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser, revealed that he's gay (big surprise). Do you think it's because of me?

You know what I love about Halloween? Smartie Shots. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, imagine doing shots of alcohol. You take that shot glass and pour it all in your mouth. At Halloween, you get the mini boxes of Smarties.....Voila - you have Smartie Shots.

This weekend should be great - aside from the sub zero weather we've been having. We are going to an annual charity benefit tomorrow night called "Kids Forever". It's a great night where you get to dress up, eat lots, drink lots, dance lots and there's also a silent auction. All the proceeds go to children who are either terminally ill, or with physical and/or mental disabilities. The kids are usually nominated, and they raise an insane amount of money, as the fund-raising for this event is ongoing all year long. We became interested in this because 9 years ago, my niece was the nominated child. She was born with a genetic chromosome defect which resulted in her being not only physically, but mentally disabled as well. An amazing little girl, who was not expected to live a weekend, and is now 10 years old.

This evening I'm meeting Vaughn at the furniture store to get new living room furniture! (yay!) I've been eyeing this stuff for quite awhile, and they have a 1-day sale on, so it's basically screaming for me to buy it.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. Peace.

MadameZ-Goodwill Ambassador

2 years ago, we had 248 kids show up at our door for Halloween - last year we had 176. So, being the good person that I am, I thought ahead - Thinking about the increase in population in our town, I did the right thing and purchased enough chocolate for approximately 3000 kids. I think we only got about 50 or 60.

So, here I am, with enough chocolate to feed a small country. I've decided to take one for the team. I will eat every last bit, because I'm just that nice.

This will get me into heaven. I can feel it.

Happy Halloween!

Okay, seriously - How much fun was it dressing up like I was from the '80s today??? I had long forgotten what a hoot it was to tease your hair, put on layers of jewelry and a shitload of makeup. When I walked downstairs, Amy said, "Oh my God, you should dress like this every day!" Not like I would....Been there, done that.

We even had a contest at work & holy shit, wouldn't you know it - I won. If someone were to look at me 22 years ago and tell me that the I would be wearing the same thing in the future for Halloween, and win as 'best costume', I would have laughed.

The blazer that I'm wearing? I bought that when I was 17 - I had to work every evening after school for 2 weeks to pay for it. Hey, it cost a lot back then to look that tacky.










My coworker, Amanda & I.
















Amy & I at her work - she was in '80s mode too - is even wearing my jewelry.

Just in Time for Halloween

Porkchop went to the hairdresser's yesterday - you know it's sad when your dog gets her hair done more times a year than you do. However, she looked so sweet yesterday with her halloween bows and her spider web bandanna. There isn't a tinge of "girlie-girl" in this dog, but I can't resist the bows every time.

So, I've been trying to decide what to dress up as tomorrow - we dress up at work. Last year, my brother (the fireman) managed to "borrow" some scrubs from the hospital, so I dressed up like an ER doctor, which was fun.... I couldn't decide for this year, though. So, it's a toss up between a "Pink Lady" from Grease, or, I'm going to dig through the memory box, and relive the '80's for a day. I think I'll go with the latter, so I'll take pictures tomorrow. Gee, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get my hair as big as I did back then - and the pink & blue eyeshadow...Sweet Mother of God.

So, you know how there are fruit trucks all over the sides of the road in the summer? They sell the greatest, sweetest, freshest fruit. We've all bought from them - I know I have a million times. I don't know what it is about fruit sold from a truck that makes it better than the fruit sold at the grocery store. I mean, for all I know, they stock up at the grocery store, load it into the back of the truck, stick it in little baskets, mark it "Fresh Picked Fruit", and sell it for twice the price. But I fall for it, and buy it every time.

My husband is a bit similar - however, he doesn't buy fruit out of the back of a truck. He buys meat. He came home the other day with his arms full of different kinds of sausage and burgers, etc....all bought from a guy in the back of his truck.

I'm thinking that they must have run out of every spice except for garlic, because you could smell my husband coming a mile away. Every time I opened my fridge, the smell wafted throughout and my house was smelling like Bangladesh.

I've resorted to triple-bagging everything, because there's nothing more appetizing than my garlic-flavored fruit and milk.

The Time Has Come....

Well, after a 2 week hiatus, I am back to the grindstone tomorrow. *sigh* It's hard to believe that exactly 2 weeks ago, I was sitting in a hospital bed with nothing on but a backless gown, waiting for the OBGYN to remove yet another part of my female anatomy; and here I am - new, improved and 100% fallopian tube free.

So, I will go about my business and get back to reality with my floating ovaries. Even under the circumstances, I enjoyed this time off so much. I've gone on lunches with my husband, I've watched a million brain-candy movies, hung out with the kids, drank lots of coffee, and even went to a ladies' party (www.surpriseparties.com).

While I wait patiently to eventually win the lottery, I guess it's back to my routine - ironing clothes, making lunches, laundry, and everyday insanity. Believe it or not, I can hardly wait.

Have a great day, everyone. Peace.

I had the strangest dream last night. In my dream there was a girl I went to grade school with. Her name was Wendy. I haven't seen or even thought about her since 6th grade. I don't know whatever happened to her. I was standing in a store & she just walked up to me. She didn't look the same, but I knew who she was right away. It was so wierd - how can someone who has had no impact on my life in the last 27 years all of a sudden pop into a dream like that? I actually don't remember too much about her at all - To be honest I really only have one memory of her....

It was almost time for summer vacation. My girlfriends and I were so excited about the upcoming school year because we would be in junior high. Wendy wasn't a part of my group - from what I recall, she wasn't a part of any group. She was a little.....off. At lunch time she would sit in a chair closest to us to eavesdrop on our conversations.

Anyway, I remember us all talking about tweezing our eyebrows. None of us had ever done it, but we figured going to high school & all, it was probably a good time to start. I mean, after all, we'd be teenagers; and what teenager doesn't tweeze their eyebrows?

Wendy must have overheard this conversation, because the next morning she came to school & walked right up to us in the playground. All of our mouths dropped.

"See? I tweezed my eyebrows yesterday! I didn't even use tweezers - I just pulled them out with my fingers! It didn't really hurt too much."

Awkward silence.

You see, Wendy hadn't tweezed her eyebrows at all. She had pulled out all of her eyelashes. She looked like a fish.

How is it that this girl made it into my head?

So, I took some initiative & washed a bunch of bras today. I have them hanging all over the chairs. My dining room now looks like the movie set of "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas".

I hope nobody comes to visit this evening.

As Promised....

Me - proof that at 39, I'm still full of hot air.

Kare & Jayne - My 2 best friends in the world. :o)

The girls with our umbrella drinks.

Okay, I promised that I would post pics of my birthday - I've really got to get on here more often.

Yesterday I figured that I would finally get my act together & get out of the house - I've watched a million movies & just as many "Beverly Hills 90210" reruns. It astounds me how that was actually my favorite show back in the day. Can we say 'bad acting' people? Still can't seem to tear myself from it though. good times, good times...

Did I mention what Kare got me?? A t-shirt that says, "Nobody puts Baby in a Corner"!!! How awesome was that??? And Jayne! She got me a "Hitmen" Hockey Sweatshirt. In another blog, I will explain my utter undying love for Bret Hart.

It was an absolutely great birthday - lots of food, drinks & laughs - with all my favorite people.