Vaughn & I were invited to a wedding Saturday night. After the ceremony, we were sitting with a couple and his wife started to reminisce about her wedding. That got me thinking about mine. You see, I hated my wedding, but before I get into the reasons why, let me explain my courtship with Vaughn.
Vaughn and I dated for almost 3 years before we got married. I don't know what it was about him, but, from the first date, we just knew. We loved each other right from day one, and we knew that eventually we'd get married. However, there were obstacles that prevented us from rushing into the wedding. From the very beginning, my Father hated Vaughn. I know you may think that I'm over-reacting. I mean, how could a parent despise a man that was obviously making his daughter so happy? Well, I'm sure he had his reasons - one of them being that he wasn't rich. He was a student at the time without a steady income. At one point, early into our relationship, my dad actually met him at the door and started screaming that if Vaughn was ever to show up at our house again, people would find pieces of him all across our city. I'm serious.
Despite this, Vaughn stood his ground and we eventually got engaged. The planning of the wedding was a nightmare. Every girl dreams of their wedding day, and I was not the exception. I brought my mother to see the dress that I had fallen in love with, and when I tried it on, she started to cry - you see, I'm the only girl & my mom assumed that she would make my wedding dress. She swore that it would look just like my dream dress (big mistake), because when the material finally showed up (3 weeks before the wedding), it was the wrong color and the wrong fabric. I've always had this idea of having this amazing wedding cake, and when I sent my mom to order it (mistake #2) with specific instructions on what I wanted, she assured me that it was exactly what she ordered. When I picked it up the night before the wedding, it was the wrong shape, the wrong color and the wrong size. When I brought it up with mom, she simply said that she thought the one she ordered was nicer.
I wanted a small wedding, so we decided on a few witnesses and our immediate family. What it ended up being was 110 people & the only ones that were our friends were in our wedding party. Another obstacle was the fact that my parents are Catholic and Vaughn's are Baptist. This was the biggest nightmare. My parents wouldn't go if it was in the Baptist church and Vaughn's parents didn't want it in the Catholic church - we resolved this by not taking anyone's side and getting married in the atrium at a hotel by a Justice of the Peace. Being Baptists, Vaughn's parents also refused to attend if there was dancing and alcohol. Excuse me??? My family is Catholic. We drink. A lot. So, I had to give up the dream of our 'first dance', but had to draw the line on the alcohol.
I have this picture in our wedding album where my dad is walking me down the aisle - I have this 'deer-in-the-headlights' look on my face, and you can tell that dad is talking to me. What everyone didn't know was that, at that very second, dad was trying to talk me out of marrying Vaughn. Seriously.
Needless to say, the reception was insane - I was drunk in the matter of a few hours, and we left at 8:15pm, without saying goodbye to anyone. I realized, on my way out that I hadn't even thrown the bouquet or Vaughn hadn't removed my garter, so, I hiked up my dress, gave the garter to a guy sitting at his table and handed the bouquet to my cousin.
Almost 18 years have passed. It took a very very long time, but my father finally accepted Vaughn. There are far too many stories that I wouldn't bother boring you with, but, I like to think that he finally realized that I married a man that loves me more than anything. He treats me with more respect that I probably even deserve.
Wow - I think I needed this venting session about my wedding - Thank God that it wasn't a prelude to my marriage, because, as unhappy as I was on my wedding day, every day since has been the exact opposite. The wedding day wasn't much of a celebration, but every year, we celebrate the day we started our life together. And we are happy.
Have a great day, everyone. Peace.
9 comments:
Aww, Darlene, the dress, cake, ect is all just fluff. You are happy, even all these years later...that is the substance. You could always renew your vows and do it your way this time.
You know, My parents were married 38 years on Aug 9th. My Dad was in the service and didn't know what day he'd be back from basic training. My Mother called her parents the night before he got back and asked them if they were going to go to her wedding the next day. They got married in the Methodist church because that was the only pastor in town that was free for an hour that day. Mom's bridesmaid couldn't make it so another girl stepped up to the task and oneof Dad's older brothers dusted off his suit. They didn't have cake or a reception. The few pictures they have were taken by her Mother, who is known for never centering a shot in her life. Someone always lost an arm or a head when Grandma ran the camera. They had a fast honeymoon and they were off to live on an army base in Kentucky. It sure wasn't perfect, it wasn't even close, but it's lasted 38 years.
nett: Wow - it's really true that it's not the wedding that's important, but the marriage. :o) My grandparents were to be married on Christmas Day (because my grandmother never wanted my grandfather to forget the anniversary) My grandfather and the best man got stuck in a snowstorm, but back then, there was no way to get ahold of everyone. My grandmother refused to let anyone leave the church. Finally my grandfather showed up at 3am Boxing Day and they were married then!
dear mom.
promise me you wont ask to make my dress.
love amy.
I agree with Netter :) And I think there's too much pressure put on a couple to have a fancy wedding anyway. Mine was far from fancy- I got married on a Friday in the mayor's office and my husband was wearing his damned lineboots and work uniform. Maybe I'll share the story someday :)
Cris~
amy: Don't worry, I've got it all planned. You're wearing mine.
cris: I'm not sure what 'lineboots' are (I'm visualizing boots that you wear line-dancing, but I know THAT'S not right LOL) You'll have to fill us in on your nuptuals sometime. :o)
I wish my Dad had threatened my ex husband with violence. Really.
dh: ahahahah Fathers don't always have the best judgement, that's for sure. My dad only ever approved of one man that I dated, and I cringe to think of what my life would be like had I married him.
At my Sister's wedding, my the Pastor asked who was giving the bride away...Our Father said, he was but that the groom couldn't return her, he had to keep her." Lovely. Did Amy catch what you wrote? It made me laugh.
If you want a big fancy wedding more power to ya, but leave the ones that want a nice and simple wedding alone.. I'm glad the way we got married and my hubby's family wanted me to still have a reception to "get stuff".. Umm Hello, I'm from Washington State and he's from Nebraska (close to Kansas). One or the other is going to have to fly to go and I'm not sure as hell going to try to do two (cause yet again, I would have to do one long distance).... And its not fair to do it for one and not other.. So I didn't do either! That showed them whos the boss! LOL
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